What if I told you that you’re having the most important conversation of your life right now… and you don’t even realize it?
Not with your partner. Not with your boss. Not with your best friend.
With yourself.
We’re talking to ourselves all day long. This ongoing inner dialogue, sometimes called self-talk, runs quietly in the background, shaping how we feel before we’re even aware of it.
If you stop for just a second and actually listen, you’ll probably hear it running right now.
“Who does she think she is?”
“I wonder where this is going.”
“I really should be doing something else right now.”
That conversation never stops. It’s been running since the moment you woke up this morning, and it’ll keep running long after you close this page.
The question is: What have you been saying to yourself?
Most of us have no idea what we’re actually saying to ourselves.
We notice the feeling—the tightness in the chest, the flash of irritation, the sudden dip in confidence—but we rarely trace it back to the thought that came before it.
That’s important because our thoughts can influence our emotions, and our emotional state can influence how we behave.
Feel anxious before a big meeting?
Somewhere underneath, you may be telling yourself:
“I’m going to mess this up.”
Or:
“They’re going to judge me.”
Walk into the same meeting feeling confident, and your internal conversation may sound more like:
“I know my stuff.”
“I can handle this.”
“I belong here.”
Same meeting.
Very different internal dialogue.
Very different emotional experience.
This is something I explored in Your Mind Is Always Listening. The words and labels we repeat to ourselves can gradually influence the way we see ourselves and what we believe we’re capable of doing.
One of the reasons internal dialogue is so powerful is repetition.
A thought you have once may not mean very much.
But what happens when you repeat it hundreds or thousands of times?
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m terrible at this.”
“I always mess things up.”
“Nobody takes me seriously.”
“I’ll never change.”
Eventually, those thoughts can become familiar.
And familiar thoughts can begin to feel like facts.
In How Hypnotherapy and NLP Coaching Reveal the Hidden Power of Self-Talk, I discuss how repeated internal language can influence confidence, motivation, and the beliefs we carry about ourselves.
That’s where the subconscious mind becomes especially important.
Your subconscious stores patterns, associations, emotional responses, and beliefs that have developed throughout your life.
Some are useful.
Others may have been formed years ago and never questioned again.
Sometimes the critical voice in your head didn’t begin with you.
Perhaps a parent repeatedly told you:
“You need to do better.”
Maybe a teacher made you feel like you weren’t smart enough.
Perhaps you were embarrassed after speaking in front of your classmates.
Or maybe you learned that making mistakes resulted in criticism.
A child doesn’t necessarily think:
“That was one person’s opinion during one moment in my life.”
Instead, the conclusion may become:
“I’m not smart.”
“I’m bad at speaking.”
“I can’t make mistakes.”
“I’m not good enough.”
Years later, you may no longer remember the experience clearly, but the conclusion can still influence the way you talk to yourself.
This is part of what I describe in How Human Programming Develops: The Hidden Influence of the Subconscious Mind. Conclusions formed early in life can continue influencing thoughts, emotions, confidence, and behavior long after the circumstances that created them have changed.
This is why, in my work as a hypnotherapist and NLP Coach, I don’t want to focus only on:
“Why do you feel this way?”
It’s a reasonable question.
But sometimes it sends people searching through old stories without recognizing the pattern that’s operating today.
Instead, I often find another question extremely useful:
“What have you been saying to yourself?”
That question changes the focus.
It allows us to become curious about the internal language that may be reinforcing an emotional response.
If you’re anxious, what are you predicting?
If you’re procrastinating, what are you afraid might happen?
If you’re struggling with confidence, what are you repeatedly telling yourself about your abilities?
If you’re afraid of rejection, what meaning are you assigning to someone else’s response?
These questions can begin revealing the subconscious beliefs beneath the behavior.
One of the central ideas behind NLP Los Angeles is recognizing how language, thoughts, internal representations, and learned patterns influence our experience.
NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
Neuro refers to how we process experiences through the brain and nervous system.
Linguistic refers to language and the meaning we give experiences.
Programming refers to learned patterns that can become increasingly automatic through repetition.
When you begin listening to your internal dialogue, you may discover language you’ve been repeating for decades.
Instead of:
“That presentation didn’t go as well as I wanted.”
You say:
“I’m terrible at public speaking.”
Instead of:
“That relationship wasn’t right for me.”
You say:
“Nobody wants me.”
Instead of:
“I made a mistake.”
You say:
“I’m a failure.”
Notice what’s happening.
An event has become an identity.
That’s a significant difference.
As I explain in How The Words You Use Frame Your Life, changing the language used to describe an experience can change its emotional meaning without denying what actually happened.
Awareness is incredibly important.
But sometimes we consciously understand that a belief doesn’t make sense and still feel emotionally attached to it.
You may logically know you’re capable.
Yet still feel inadequate.
You may know one mistake doesn’t make you a failure.
Yet criticism still feels overwhelming.
You may understand that a past experience is over.
Yet part of you continues reacting as though it isn’t.
This is where hypnotherapy Los Angeles can help us explore the subconscious patterns underlying the internal dialogue.
Rather than simply telling yourself to “think positively,” hypnotherapy allows us to work with the beliefs, associations, and emotional patterns that may be influencing the conversation beneath conscious awareness.
In The Purpose of the Subconscious Mind, I explain why the subconscious may continue holding onto patterns that were originally created to protect us, even when those patterns are no longer useful.
Sometimes one recurring sentence reveals something much deeper.
“I can’t do this.”
May reflect:
“I’m not capable.”
“Everyone has to like me.”
May reflect:
“Rejection means there’s something wrong with me.”
“I can’t make a mistake.”
May reflect:
“My worth depends on being perfect.”
Once the underlying belief becomes visible, we can begin questioning whether it’s actually true.
That’s also the focus of Rewire Limiting Beliefs With NLP Coaching and Hypnotherapy—recognizing that beliefs can be learned, which means they can also be updated.
Here’s the empowering part:
You don’t need to overhaul your entire personality.
You don’t need to wait for every external circumstance to change.
You can begin by noticing the voice that’s been running in the background, often unchecked, for years.
That’s not about forcing false positivity.
It’s not about standing in front of a mirror and saying something you don’t believe.
It’s about awareness first, then intention.
You can’t redirect a conversation you don’t know you’re having.
So today, try something simple.
Catch yourself mid-thought just once.
Notice what you said to yourself.
Don’t criticize it.
Don’t immediately try to change it.
Just notice it.
Then ask:
“Is that actually true?”
And perhaps:
“Is there a more accurate and helpful way to say it?”
That single moment of awareness can be where change begins.
Sometimes we think the solution is simply to try harder.
More discipline.
More motivation.
More willpower.
But if your subconscious beliefs and internal dialogue are constantly pulling in the opposite direction, you’re using enormous energy fighting yourself.
I compared this to running while dragging resistance behind you in What’s Slowing You Down? The Invisible Running Parachute.
Sometimes trying harder isn’t the answer.
Sometimes we need to understand what has been pulling us backward.
Your internal dialogue isn’t something you can eliminate.
And you wouldn’t want to.
But you can become more conscious of it.
You can recognize language that unnecessarily limits you.
You can question beliefs that were created years ago.
And you can begin choosing words that leave room for learning, confidence, and growth.
Because the most important conversation you’ll ever have isn’t necessarily the one you have with another person.
It’s the one you have with yourself.
And when that conversation begins to change, the way you experience yourself can change with it.
If you find yourself struggling with negative self-talk, anxiety, self-sabotage, low self-esteem, or limiting beliefs, hypnotherapy and NLP Coaching can help you explore the subconscious patterns and internal language that may be contributing to them.
Sometimes meaningful change starts with one simple question:
“What have I been saying to myself?”
Jayne Goldman, MBA, C.Ht., is the Founder and Principal of Best Life Hypnotherapy in Los Angeles. As a Certified Hypnotherapist and NLP Master Practitioner and Coach, she helps clients overcome anxiety, limiting beliefs, low self-esteem, self-sabotage, and other subconscious barriers to success. Through hypnotherapy, hypnosis, NLP Coaching, and Time Line Therapy®, she helps individuals create lasting behavioral change, build confidence, achieve emotional healing, and live more fulfilling lives.
