Have you ever caught yourself saying something like…
“I’m terrible with names.”
“I’m not good with technology.”
“I’m just an anxious person.”
“I’ve never had any willpower.”
Most of us have.
We say these things so casually that we rarely stop to think about them.
But what if your mind is listening to every word you say?
Not just the words you speak out loud…
But the ones you quietly repeat to yourself throughout the day.
The conversation you have with yourself may be one of the most important conversations you’ll ever have.
This idea is closely connected to what I explored in How Hypnotherapy and NLP Coaching Reveal the Hidden Power of Self-Talk—the language we repeatedly use can influence the beliefs and patterns that shape our behavior.
One of the reasons I find this so fascinating is because it’s one of the core principles behind Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP).
The name sounds technical, but the concept is actually quite simple.
Neuro refers to your brain and nervous system—how you think, feel, and experience the world.
Linguistic refers to language—the words you speak, the conversations you have with yourself, and the meaning you give to your experiences.
Programming refers to the patterns your subconscious mind develops through repetition. Over time, the messages you hear most often can become the beliefs that shape how you think, feel, and behave.
Think about that for a moment.
The words you repeat to yourself today may become the beliefs that guide your life tomorrow.
Every day, we all have an ongoing internal dialogue.
Sometimes it’s encouraging.
“I can handle this.”
“I’ll figure it out.”
“I’ve overcome challenges before.”
But often, it’s surprisingly critical.
“I’m not smart enough.”
“I always mess things up.”
“People probably don’t like me.”
“I’m too old to start over.”
The more often we repeat these messages, the more familiar they become.
And familiar thoughts have a way of feeling like facts.
But they’re not always facts.
Often, they’re simply stories we’ve been telling ourselves for years.
This is also why the way we phrase things matters. In How The Words You Use Frame Your Life, I discuss how language can influence the way we interpret ourselves, our experiences, and the possibilities available to us.
Two of the most powerful words in the English language are:
I am.
Whatever follows those words begins to shape the way we see ourselves.
If you repeatedly tell yourself…
“I am shy.”
“I am disorganized.”
“I am a procrastinator.”
“I am bad with money.”
Your subconscious mind may begin treating those statements as part of your identity.
Once something becomes part of our identity, we naturally tend to behave in ways that support it.
Think about that for a moment.
When you say…
“I’m always late.”
Are you describing yourself?
Or are you reinforcing a pattern?
There’s a big difference.
I explored this exact idea in Why Are Some People Always Late? The Hidden Programming Behind Chronic Tardiness, where repeated behaviors can become so familiar that they feel like part of who we are.
But a pattern is not necessarily an identity.
And identities can change.
Sometimes the labels we carry were given to us by other people.
Maybe a teacher once told you that you weren’t good at math.
Perhaps someone called you sensitive.
Or lazy.
Or difficult.
Or shy.
As children, we often accept those labels without questioning them.
Over time, they can quietly become part of our identity.
Years later, we may still be living according to someone else’s opinion.
That’s a heavy burden to carry.
The good news is that labels are not who you are.
They’re simply descriptions that someone attached to you—or that you attached to yourself.
And descriptions can change.
This is one reason childhood experiences can have such a lasting influence. In How Human Programming Develops: The Hidden Influence of the Subconscious Mind, I explain how early conclusions can become subconscious beliefs that continue guiding us long after childhood has ended.
One of the most fascinating things about the subconscious mind is that it learns through repetition.
The more often we think something, the more familiar it becomes.
The more familiar it becomes, the more automatic it feels.
That’s true whether the message is helpful…
Or harmful.
If you repeatedly tell yourself…
“Nothing ever works out for me.”
Your subconscious mind may begin looking for experiences that reinforce that belief.
If you tell yourself…
“I’m learning.”
“I’m becoming more confident.”
“I’m capable of figuring this out.”
You begin giving your mind a different message to work with.
This isn’t about pretending everything is perfect or repeating affirmations you don’t believe.
It’s about becoming aware of the messages you’ve been feeding yourself for years.
The subconscious mind plays a major role in storing and repeating these patterns. The Purpose of the Subconscious Mind explores why your mind holds onto familiar beliefs and behaviors—even when they may no longer serve you.
One of the things I love about NLP Los Angeles is that it helps people become aware of the language and patterns influencing the way they think.
Through NLP Coaching, we can begin noticing the words, labels, assumptions, and internal stories that may be shaping our emotional responses and behavior.
Combined with hypnotherapy Los Angeles, we can work with the subconscious mind to identify limiting beliefs, release patterns that no longer serve us, and create more supportive ways of thinking.
Sometimes the belief underneath the self-talk is something as simple—and powerful—as:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I can’t trust myself.”
“I don’t deserve success.”
“I have to be perfect.”
Those beliefs can influence countless areas of life without us consciously realizing it.
In Rewire Limiting Beliefs With NLP Coaching and Hypnotherapy, I explore how old beliefs can be recognized and replaced with perspectives that better reflect who you are today.
The next time you catch yourself saying…
“I’m terrible at public speaking.”
Try saying…
“Public speaking is something I’m learning to become more comfortable with.”
Instead of…
“I’m an anxious person.”
Perhaps say…
“I’ve experienced anxiety, but it doesn’t define who I am.”
Notice the difference.
One statement locks you into an identity.
The other leaves room for growth.
Instead of…
“I’m a procrastinator.”
Try…
“I’ve developed a habit of procrastinating in certain situations, and habits can change.”
Instead of…
“I have no confidence.”
Try…
“I’m learning to trust myself more.”
This is not about ignoring challenges.
It’s about describing them in a way that leaves room for change.
Words matter.
Especially the words you say to yourself.
Your subconscious mind is always listening.
It pays attention to the messages you repeat again and again.
So the next time you hear yourself saying…
“I am…”
Pause for a moment.
Ask yourself:
“Is this really who I am—or is it simply a story I’ve been repeating?”
Sometimes those repeated stories become the invisible resistance we carry through life. In What’s Slowing You Down? The Invisible Running Parachute, I explore how old beliefs, fears, and emotional patterns can quietly make life harder than it needs to be.
Because the stories we tell ourselves shape the lives we create.
And one of the most empowering things you can do is begin telling yourself a better story.
If you find yourself repeating the same negative thoughts or feeling stuck in patterns that no longer serve you, you’re not alone.
Through hypnotherapy, hypnosis, and NLP Coaching, it’s possible to explore where those beliefs began, challenge outdated labels, and create new patterns that better reflect who you are today.
Sometimes lasting change begins with simply noticing the words you use when you talk to yourself.
And then choosing something better.
Jayne Goldman, MBA, C.Ht., is the Founder and Principal of Best Life Hypnotherapy in Los Angeles. She is a Certified Hypnotherapist, NLP Master Practitioner and Coach, and Master Time Line Therapy® Practitioner who helps clients overcome limiting beliefs, improve self-confidence, and create lasting change through hypnotherapy, hypnosis, and NLP Coaching. She works with clients throughout Los Angeles and online.
