Do you ever have a very visceral negative reaction to certain comments or behaviors of other people, even if you consciously know that person has done nothing to personally offend you?

For example, years ago… if I saw a stylish woman who was looking very confident and poised, it would annoy me and I would immediately say she was “stuck-up” … even if she was a total stranger and I didn’t even know her at all. 

After doing a significant amount of hypnotherapy and NLP work on myself, I was able to release quite a bit of the negative emotions and limiting beliefs of the past.  It was only then that  I realized I was threatened by that type of woman because it triggered my own negative thoughts about myself not being attractive enough, stylish enough… or even good enough.

The next time I saw a stylish woman, I no longer felt threatened and, instead, I felt admiration! I wanted to be more like her and so I asked her how she had tied her scarf so beautifully. She showed me and I did the same. I realized that I could learn from people like that, instead of shun them. What an epiphany! 

When I became trained as an NLP Coach, I found out that some people say the definition of NLP is actually the “Study of Excellence.” The goal is to model behaviors and styles of people you believe excel at what they do. The only way to do this is to first get your own baggage out of the way!

Let’s take another example now of someone who HAS said or done something offensive to you. You might think being triggered by them is justified.

The truth is… we all have human emotions that get triggered. If you can let it go after an acceptable period of time, it’s probably really that single event that triggered you. If you not only can’t let it go, but your emotions go to the extreme and you become obsessed with it, there’s much more at play here. 

For example, if some reckless driver cuts you off on the freeway, the first reaction is anger. Maybe even fear shows up because if you weren’t paying attention, it might have ended up in a terrible accident. That’s completely understandable.

However, if you want to get out of your car to kill that person… or you follow them to hurt them… that’s not just because of what that driver did… That is a volcanic eruption of the emotions and limiting beliefs that have been pent up for ages… maybe even since childhood. That’s triggering the old anger for being disrespected that probably started in childhood. That’s the feeling of rage because you were neglected, treated poorly, etc.

Once you release your negative emotions and limiting beliefs of the past, you will realize that the person on the road was being reckless because that person was being reckless… and it had nothing to do with disrespecting you, in particular. 

Notice the next time you feel some strong emotional charge about someone or something… and ask yourself… what was inside of my head to warrant that kind of reaction? You might be really surprised at the insights about yourself that come to light.

Jayne Goldman, MBA, C.Ht., Founder and Principal of Best Life Hypnotherapy in Los Angeles, is a Certified Hypnotherapist and NLP Master NLP Practitioner and Coach.